Please Don’t (845,530)

I love you, three words I’m making sure you hear.

I don’t know if you’ve heard them recently but please know that they’re real.

You feel alone, trust me I know, you feel like no one’s ever been as far as you but trust me I’ve been there.

You’re sitting alone feeling lonely like the world forgot about you and that no one will ever care.

It’s not true, I promise it’s not, you’re not alone, you’re not forgotten and you will be missed, don’t throw away your precious life for this.

It will get better, trust me. I used to be in your place feeling like nothing but a waste. Like a waste of time a waste of breath, we insist on doing this alone, that we don’t need anyone or God but where did that get us other than here thinking about the impact of our death.

You’re life is valuable it’s true, you’re not worthless, you’re priceless, I promise there will never be another person like you.

I know to you, that seems like a good thing, like the world would be better off without me, no one is ever going to miss me and life will go on to be easy. But please know, the pain you feel doesn’t dissapear just because you do, it passes on to those around you and leaves a hole that you won’t even be around to see.

It would leave a hole the size of you. You say your life has no purpose but that can’t be true. If you had no meaning you wouldn’t be here, you’re on this planet for a reason, so see it through. I know the path is foggy, I know you can’t see past the tears theres no hope theres no escape, I’ve been there too.

I know life is hard, I know that right now time is beating on you and it’s getting really tough. Nothing is going your way, broken people treating you, rough. And you’re sick and tired you’ve had enough!

You want to do it. Life just isn’t worth going through this. A big middle finger to the bullies, abusers, teachers who said you weren’t good enough and that all the shots you would ever take would miss. To the kids who only laughed, to the friends who never had your back and especially to the absentee parents.

But the biggest of all it’s an outcry to the biggest enemy, us. We look in the mirror, hate who we see and view life as a bust. When we look in that mirror we see what others say, so hating ourselves is a must. They say we need to learn to love ourselves, but no else did so how can we and how can we learn to trust. Trust that we mean something and trust that this life isn’t only going to be deep cuts.

But please, I’m begging, God is here too, He sees your pain, you feel like he’s silent but this is His message to you…

I love you…three words I’m making sure you hear.

I don’t know if you’ve heard them recently but please know that they’re real.

You feel alone, trust me I know, you feel like no ones ever been as far as you but trust me I’m here.

So please don’t sit alone feeling, lonely, even If the world forgets about you, I won’t.

And even if no one cares about you, I do.

You’re life is valuable it’s true, you’re not worthless you’re priceless, I promise there will never be another person like you.

Through Thick and Thin

Saw my dad today, been about 3 years, barely recognized him through the strung out look, beard and tears, he looked so lost he barely knew what was going on, seeing him get to this was one of my biggest fears.

My dad was never around, I’m still dealing with that now, he wasnt the best, but Its hard to see him doped out, strung out, fallen out, stuck in this mess.

Its messed up, why would you do this? You could’ve recovered, came back around, but you sank deeper in those pits.

You gave me the best lessons in life and that’s how not to be dad, thank you for the missed birthdays and graduation, now I know the feeling and my kids will never have to, I’m glad.

I know you went through a lot like anyone else, rough childhood, struggled with addiction, lost your best friend, everyone blamed you, including yourself.

But why not change it, make it right? You left a son with no influence, you left me with no masculine insight, a bitter grudge that I always held on to with no end in sight, the world tells me that was right, but it was just a poison I was drinking expecting it to keep you up at night. No more though, I let it go, I’m changing the story and that’s the history my kids will write.

I forgave you years ago, I care because your my dad, someone I want to know, and I’m your son, just wanting to see your 40 years have something to show.

I was just a fatherless kid in a fatherless generation, looking for my dad inside a television station, me and 1/3 of the other kids in this nation, all of us struggling to find our way, dealing with it in our own ways, growing up handicapped without one side of our paternal foundation, it’s difficult, the life, the struggle, the battles dealing with all the built up frustration.

I’m going to make a better choice. My kids will know me, they will have my voice, my wife won’t be alone she will be safe from that noise.

My family will be a family, I’ll never give up. Addiction will not consume me, I’ll never give up. My kids will have a father that is there, I’ll never give up. My wife will have a loving husband, I’ll never give up. And when life gets out of control, when all is falling apart, instead of losing heart, I will look up.

I will look up, to the Father who stepped in. The one that never thought about giving up even when I had been. The one that chose me even through all my sin. And the one that has always promised to love me through thick and thin.

I’m Not Good With Words

I’m not good with words….no that’s a lie.

I’m great with words, they’re my favorite tool

You see, words gave identity to this kid that’s shy.

Well, I should say AN identity, because it’s one of many.

Words are my mask, my altar ego, you could say they’re like my cowl, im batman hiding my face from all the jokers.

But really, I was the joker, the court jester, putting on my best act in hopes to entertain, to distract.

Distract from the man behind the mask, the man behind the mask that can’t stand the man in front of the mirror, I’m fake.

I get up daily and put my best tool to use, I’m fine, I dont need to talk, but let’s laugh.

You see I’m using my tool to craft, worksmanship at work, experience in practice, this is me.

But I’m no artist or handyman or carpenter, no, I’m an illusionist.

You see only what I want you to see, smoke and mirrors, light shows and slight of hand all to divert your attention.

All so you look at the me on stage and not the me behind the scenes pulling the strings, the one who clipped his own wings, the one that’s scared you’ll see all of his scratches and dings, that’s me.

That’s me and today I forgot my mask, so now you see, this is me, who I am and I’m scared, terrified that you’ll see what I see when you look at me.

But….I broke my mirror, my mask is off, and now my identity is speaking to me, and He is saying You Are Strong, You are New, Your are worth it, You…..are My son.

I guess you could say I’m crazy, because my identity isnt me, it’s in someone else, one who knows me better than myself.

He stepped in when others stepped out. He gave me faith when all I’ve ever known was doubt. I struggled with anger and He was there to listen when I wanted to do was shout. He was the one who changed, shaped me, taught me what real love was all about.

So who I am is found within Him. That means “broken” is really just my pseudonym. Because that’s not who I am, I’m His, my name is Tim.

Business Savy With Your Heart.

In today’s world love is something you get on the fly, like a burger through a drive through or overnight shopping on Amazon. We feel like we need it right here right now.

We’re so willing to give our hearts away we’re not focusing on what we’re getting in return, a.k.a a bad deal. We should be careful what we give away and especially who we’re giving it to.

We are worth a lot, you have a lot to offer, don’t be so quick to just give that away to someone who could care less or will abuse it. Understand your worth, understand your value.

Cultivate relationships, sow into, take time to make sure that the deal your getting is a good one because you have a to give.

From Callous To Cared For

For my first post I wanted to keep it simple. I wanted to share my story, in summary.

I’m currently 20 years old. I haven’t had the worst life you know, I grew up with a caring, loving, mom who had my best intentions in mind. My dad was never really around, so my mom picked up the slack.

I grew up pretty happy, even with the little we had, mom and grandparents made life great. I was a pretty excited, happy, energetic boy. Life and negativity just never hit me as a kid, those are times that I look back on and am almost jealous of myself.

But of course as I grew older, bitter life turned me bitter, and grew colder, distant, quiet, and shut out. On the outside I wore a mask with a smile, always joking, trying to be funny, giving the illusion of happiness, but I didn’t really feel much, I was callous and closed.

However in highschool I had an encounter brought on by the man I would now call my Pastor and spiritual father. He introduced me to the man of Jesus, and my journey began.

I’ve been saved for about 4 years now and I am not that cold, callous guy anymore, Jesus has opened my heart, He has truly changed me and become the Father I never had. Life now is still scary, of course, I worry, and have fears, but I don’t let them defeat me because my God is bigger than my fears.

Thank you guys so much for reading, for allowing me to share, I hope you enjoy. Have a blessed day and i will talk to you soon.

An Introduction To Me.

Hey guys, thanks for clicking. I just wanted to introduce myself. First off my name is Timothy, but most people refer to me as Tim, which is fine. I am first and foremost a Christian and you will see that reflected a lot in my posts. This page is going to just be a place for me to share. That may be a story, an idea, a message, anything. This is just me, who I am, and I look forward to this journey I’m about to engage in. Thanks for reading, talk to you soon!